Be it a super quiet baby or one that does not stop still, the key to establishing a good relationship with him lies in learning to know him and meeting his needs.
What is your temper?
We are all different, babies too. While some are quieter, smiling and regular for eating and sleeping, others are more restless, weeping and unpredictable.
These ways of reacting are largely determined by the temperament, the innate way of being of each one, which influence the genetic inheritance and all the impressions that the child has received during pregnancy, childbirth and his first hours in the world.
However, despite these temperamental responses, parents can influence (and much) the formation of our child’s character and personality. And it is shown that the environment and education can correct or enhance many behaviors that have a hereditary basis.
Two types of temperament
Depending on their temperament, we can include babies in two broad categories: calm and nervous. Although, naturally, these ways of being do not occur in a pure state and a child who is generally calm can spend a day (or several) restless. And vice versa.
There is no relationship between temperament and intelligence, the order of birth between siblings or social class. Yes there is, however, between nervous temperament and allergies. In fact, many nervous babies have especially delicate skin.
The experts emphasize that there are no perfect babies and advise parents to accept their own as it is, without being disappointed because nothing seems to excite their little baby, or blame themselves if their child spends the day protesting and do not know how to satisfy him.
This acceptance and a more complete and adapted mutual knowledge are the bases to develop the best possible relationship with your child.
That’s how calm babies are
They sleep with open fists from a very young age, they entertain themselves by manipulating their toys or listening to the sounds that are produced around them, they are regular to eat and sleep, they stain the diaper at the same times every day and when something bothers them they cry, but No screaming.
They are happy in all situations, smile easily to everyone (strangers included) and accept news and unexpected changes well.
It does not claim, but it needs
If your child is like that, you are in luck. Raising it will be quite simple and as its regular schedule will allow you to organize well and sleep your hours, you will be rested and you can enjoy your motherhood to the fullest.
In addition, seeing your baby happy will make you feel more secure in your new role and your state of well-being will have a positive impact on your little one; that is, without realizing it, you will establish a feedback relationship between you that will help you feel great about each other.
Now, do not interpret the fact that your little one cries little, complains about fairness and is always happy that he is “self-sufficient” and does not need anything, because it is not so. Your little one needs you in time and attention as much as other children need their mothers, even if yours is less demanding than they are, so…
- Take it in your arms several times throughout the day, even if you don’t cry. This practice is essential for two reasons: so that your little one feels even more loved and because if you only reserve your lap for those extraordinary moments in which he cries, he will learn that he should burst into tears to catch you and gradually he will come back More weeping
- It is true that your child has no trouble falling asleep, but still, establish a nightly ritual to sleep him. Lying you in your room after the bath, the bottle, the pat on the back to burp and the good night kiss will help you have a more restful sleep than if you let him sleep anywhere, because “as he sleeps like a blessed and nothing bothers him … ”
- Even if you see him happy playing alone in his hammock with a toy, observing his hands or catching his feet, remember to lie on his face every day for a while on a carpet (from the third month) and put an attractive toy before him to Try to catch it. Very calm babies sometimes lack initiative and thus encourage you to crawl, which will improve your muscle tone and keep you from crawling and letting go.
- Bathe him in the morning. The contact with the water and splashing in it will clear you and make you more receptive to all the stimuli that surround you.
That’s how nervous babies are
It is difficult to adjust them to a sleep and feeding schedule, because they are not regular at all. When they get hungry or sleepy, they cry intensely and don’t calm down until they meet their need.
They are very light sleepers and wake up several times during the night. An obvious proof that they are always tense is that when they sleep they keep their fists tightly closed (it is something that happens to everyone, but only in the first weeks).
Objective: ‘tune in’ with him
Is your child a nervous baby? Don’t you know how to treat him so that he feels comfortable, cries less and smiles more? Are you exhausted and sometimes you despair? To be able to establish a good emotional harmony with him, you have to do three things.
The first one you are already doing, and very well, that is to love him very much. The second measure, which we have already referred to before, lies in accepting him as he is and in convincing you that your son is neither better nor worse than other children, but only a little harder to raise. The third guideline is not to feel guilty or responsible for your baby’s temperament.
These negative feelings can make you think that you are not a good mother, which in turn will create anxiety, and the more anxious you are, the worse your child will behave and the harder it will be for you to understand yourself. So you know: even if it costs you, keep calm and follow the three previous tips.
Once the base has been created to establish a good relationship with your little one, there are many measures you can take that will make your day-to-day life easier with him:
- Advance your clock a quarter of an hour. So, even if you take time to fix your little one and go out with him, you will arrive in time to the sites, you will not get nervous and avoid spreading your restlessness.
- Try to be very routine with him. Routines will help you anticipate what comes next, which will make you feel more secure. And the safer you feel, the less nervous you will get.
- Maybe you can anticipate their food and rest needs. Always have some prepared food (tarritos, porridge in tubs or briks …) and the crib ready to give you the slightest sign of tiredness. This will save you more than one tantrum.
- Do not feed him every time he cries (he can get very chubby). When he cries and you can’t figure out what’s wrong with him, put him in the baby carrier and go for a walk or do the housework with him attached to your chest. Physical contact with the mother has an amazing sedative power for babies.
- Try to exercise every day (even more than the one who already kicks and swipes!). At home, encourage him to play with the blanket of activities and if he is older, take him out to the street to let off steam playing in the park.
- Introduce the news little by little. If you are going to leave him with a babysitter, invite her to have an afternoon snack so your son knows her. The next day leave them alone for a while, even if you are still at home. On the third day you can leave and even if your child cries, he will not make a drama when you say goodbye.
- Do not take him to noisy places or with strident lights (to neighborhood parties, for example).
- Remember that your clothes, in addition to being made with natural fabrics, should be a little baggy, so they do not bother you.
- Try that in your day to day there are moments of tranquility. Scroll through a story with him, put on relaxing music, talk to him by looking at his face … Many times children so moved end up getting nervous themselves and need someone to stop them, to calm down a bit.
- Bathe him at night. The warm water will relax and facilitate the reconciliation of sleep.
- If he wakes up by his own involuntary movements of arms and legs, as soon as he falls asleep (if he is awake he won’t leave you) wrap him in a thin sheet, which prevents him from shaking (make sure he can’t cover his head).
Good news for everyone
Whatever your baby, it has its advantages. The calmed tend to concentrate more in the future and the moved have less tendency to be obese.
If your child is restless…
According to research conducted in the US, children who are very active until age 5 remain in good shape throughout their growth and rarely suffer from obesity problems.
This study consisted of controlling 333 active 5-year-old children with a scanner that measured bones, fat and muscles and an accelerometer that recorded their movements.
When they returned to study these children at 8 and 11 years old they discovered that, on average, each child had moved vigorously half an hour a day and for every 10 more minutes of exercise, the children were almost half a kilo less weight, even even if they weren’t so active anymore.
If your son is calm…
By having more ability to concentrate, you will take better advantage of your intellectual abilities. And it is that by patiently exploring their toys you will find different uses and ways to play with them, which will favor their new learning, their resolving ability, their creative imagination and their self-esteem.